LoraLee

goodthings
im in school
gotta my own house!!! with a room lol
no more stupid boys
happy times, things are good.
no more drinking
still smoking but working on it
im bein good
and im happy
yay for leelee
well..
maybe one stupid boy hehe

Current Location: home
Current Mood: studying lol Liberty lol
Current Music: nine inch nails, dont ask lol

so. things are changing alot latley. im actually doing really well, i have my own place which is nice. it's really peaceful. work is going well, i know im busy alot but i feel like i have a break... pelle and me arent on the best terms right now, he knows that i love him to death, well i hope he dose, he is one of my best friends. i know that after we talk things will be ok, it seems like there was sone miscomunication. So my friends were pushing me so hard to go on a date, so i did, first real date sence me and bubby spit. It was the most mierable experence of my life lol. i was totally not interested. im really just not interested in dating period... so it's final july 6th, the divorce. so i requested off work that day just so i could have some time to be alone and reflect. i think having that time will do some good. I'm really ok with the whole thing, i don't think about it much, but i know it's good to remember even though we sometimes want to forget. so im almost done with my script and im giving it to this director guy, i hope he likes it.
and by the way, thank you whoever wrote the last comment. my life isn't really all that hectic, i just write in here when im upset so if you base my life on this you would be grealty mistaken, but thank you for you kind words. Well im out for the night,im on my own now so i dont have someone to wake me up for church in the morning, lol, i have to actually listen to the alarm clock. hehe goodnight to all who may come across this.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: watching the notebook wondering when i'll find "him"

so the night before last i was at the pol hall, i was having a couple drinks, i went to the bathroom for a sec, came back, finished my drink really quick, left with my friends, and about 30min later i was trippin on what i think was LSD or X. Someone totally slipped something in my drink. I called pelle and he came to get me. I just trusted him more being in a situation like that. I was flippin, but from the minute he came to get me everythings a blank after that, i don't remember anything. So I wake up in the morning and I turn aroung and he there, I'm like Pelle where the hell are we.. lol.. he took me to one of our frinds house, apparently when i was trippin I threw up (eww) and was talkin mas shit. I don't know what the hell is going on. I just wanna go home, not really sure where that is but tampa is starting to feel like the only place i know people that care, besides TN. But I promised myself I would never go back... Kinda rethinking this whole thing.. Don't know how much I like it. I glad I have pelle, i mean he always in and out of my life but thats just the way he is. not to mention hes such a cutie pie. If i was all christian and such I'd snatch him up in a heartbeat. Then lock him in a cage and look at him lol. ok anyway lol...
im kinda bouncin around right now. but, things will work out.. hopefully
peace out.

Current Location: adams moms house (not that adam) LOL
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: silence.. I know weird, huh?

Well hell who'd a thunk I would love being here so much, I mean I havent been to this state scence i was like three, and i don't even remember, it's awsome. actually it's awsome because of the fine ass guys im about to hook up with. dammmmn. ok amanda slow down with you know who or i'll kick you ass, lonny is hott and im gonna steel his underwear after i have my way with him lol, seriously, watch me. and then shawn from work, i'll steel his too. jesus mary mother of god i cannot wait for this thing with court to be over so i can move on "legally".. cause we all know im moving along nicely in other ways.. :) hehehe. god i love it... so ya my fam rocks, the dads cool and the old step mom is freakin sweet. i like being spoiled, i think i could get used to this lol. I was just looking back on past entries and thinking how stupid we all are.. yes, this is true.. ew by the way
... I am gonna see carter!! and I can't wait, i got my hair did and my fingers and toes did and im all preety now.... like i ever stopped, lol anywho.. omg coach mike and me got a bit tipsy before i left, yes it was nice, michelle was practicly passed out, i should have had my way with him, but im a good girl, 1 more month,,, and it's on!!! ya hes older but we both share a negitive feeling for the same person and through that we shall bond.. hehehehe. oh ya know whay i just found out, i have a friend named Lover25.. Who is that.. see i think thats lonny and if it is lonny that talk to me big boy! if not state you position, and you mesurements **wink wink** peace out , see you this weekend sb! you better be ready
hey do you know my new address is 104 dean st and my old one was 104 coyote..
weird

Current Location: lynchburg university computer room, hott boys all around,
Current Mood: flirty
Current Music: My Chemical romance.

well, i misss him... and im really sad, im in fl but, i guess it's doing me good to get away. I feel horrible about what happend and i wish i could change the way things are. also wish he could make choices for himself and leave his mom out of it. I still love her. i don't care, if i was her i guess i would act the smae, but she dosent know the whole story and im sure of that, because she wouldnt be acting this way if she did, i was just tired of being hit and pushed around, but, i should have used my brain and seen what was going on. I forgive him, and I hope he keeps his head on straight, if i could change the past and have never married him i wouldnt, because i still and always will love him, there is no future for us, but i had the best times of my life with him. and i pray for him and his family, i always will. im starting all over, moving to fl in my own apt, good friends, time will heal, but i wish time would go faster,
forever in love (even though i shouldn't be) I'll respect his wish and never see him again, but hes always in my heart. He'll be fine, it's me im worried, i go to the doctor soon.....
I hope im not i hope im not i hope im not!!!!! That would make things alot worse.
lora

Current Mood: a little crazy
Current Music: rompe -daddy yankee

Right when you think that your doing that right thing, someone shows you that the past is better untampered with, leave the past in the past and move on. I'm really starting to get that right now. I don't understand some people, there nice to you one minute and then act like you the last thing on their mind the next, people can be so rude. oh well, it's better this way. Stupid memories and stupid heart, it can die..... and go to hell. and rot like an old egg...and smell for years, and.. die..
damit to hell and such!

Well I have recently received an email from an old friend. Someone I used to be very fond of, amanda if your reading this you know who it is. I don't know how i feel about it. This person is so different, it kind of disapoints me that he treats people badly now but it is kind of reliveing. No one could have been as cool as I though this person was. so good. if feel good. and im ok with this.. yes i am ooookkkk.
I miss amanda and alicia. there like my family, and i don't know, I feel sad alot cause my buddies are far away.. I wish i could find friends here, everyones so boring and, mean. I havent met one friend here and ive lived here for a year and a half. Maybe it's me. maybe i should grow up more. ahhh screw it.
Peace my negros

YOU WILL RESPECT THIS MAN AND NO THAT HE IS GLORIOUS!!!!
dANIEL JOHNS HAS STOLLEN MY HEART AT THE YOUNG AGE OF 11 ALL THE WAY FROM EUROPE.
THATS TALLENT
MAY SILVERCHAIR RIP AND RISE AGAIN

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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

Current Mood: restless

ola.. hows it going guys. so ya i am about tired of tenn. so amanda hows easy breezy fl.. without me. nathen.. glad u dont have the hiv virus.. always good news to hear. so i miss u guys, dont have much to say.....
god kip stay home and eat all the flipin chips..
thats for u bertha butt.
ok so ima go
good day... i said good day

ok.. so all these lyrics have a point. im not just a freak.
do you ever feel like your involved with something that you dont want to quit doing, but you cant handle. it's like im putting alot on my sholders that keeps building up.. and for what? i mean i dont even know what im doing. but im in too deep and im scared shitless. but i want it. im so confused. sometimes i just wanna run away and never have to answer to anyone bout why i did it, just go. sometimes i think about just packing up and going back to florida, bacause i dont know what the hell im doing here, i feel like im walking in the footsteps of my mom, and that is my worst fear. im still a kid but i feel like im 30 and i hate it. i just wanna be able to go hang out and not worrie about what people think or what someone might say if i act this way. ive never been this unhappy, about where i am. but ive never been this happy about who im with , but little by little thats going away. little by little im starting to see how much people really dont care, and how much i hate myself for not being the person i thought i was for years. i was going through boxes and found these cards that people wrote to me from my old church. it was this thing where we has to write good things about people we knew and then give it to them. carter wrote that i was a great girl when focused. that i was strong willed and that i would never change for any man. and i always thought he was write, until now.
to get to the point, amanda i need to talk to u cause im screwing up big time and i cant just let everything i believe go down the drain. i feel like a horrible person and... i just wanna go home

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: the sound of my head banging aginst the wall

You think your head's achin', I'm not finished yet
I won't be mistaken, how soon you forget
Take back what you said and I'll spare you pain
Then you can spare me all your fuckin' lies
I can't wait to get away
I ask you twenty more times
Don't you hear a thing?
You're testing my patience again
Careful for your sake
Take a walk with me there, and I'll show you pain
But who said you can open up your mouth
I can't wait to get away
Thoughts are pissed away
And for a minute I couldn't swallow
Thoughts are pissed away
And for a minute, I couldn't swallow
If you think that I'm the one who'll be here
Come tomorrow think again
In time I'll be here, not waiting for you anymore
I love you anyway, is it so rare that I've been
Sleeping with the dead
godsmack
stress

im so bored i could rip out my eyeballs and put salt in my eye sockets.. adams at work and im here, chillin.. as usual. anyhow my moms with adams mom meeting some guy.. whatever. i wanna go somewhere im so bored and sick of this gay ass town.. im gonna go jump off a bridge

2. City of the damned

at the center of the earth
in the parking lot of the 7-11 where i was taught
the motto was just a lie
it saya "home is where your heart is"
but what a shame
'cause everyone's heart doesn't beat the same
we're beating out of time
city of the dead
at the end of another lost highway
signs misleading to nowhere - city of the damned
lost children with dirty faces today
no one really seems to care
i read the graffiti in the bathroom stall
like the holy scriptures in a shopping mall
and so it seemed to confess it didn't say much
but it only confirmed that
the center of the earth is the end of the world
and i could really care less. greenday

wow i think there there talking about waverly.. what a qawinkydink

Current Music: greenday

Papercut

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here’s not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia’s all I got left
I don’t know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed / but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It’s like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it’s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me / right beneath my skin
It’s like I’m / paranoid lookin’ over my back
It’s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I / can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin

papercut: by lincon park

Current Mood: on edge
Current Music: the sound of my head throbbing

im chillin at adams. it's new years eve, but hes at work. so im staying over tonite, and were getting chinese.. wow, thats diffrent from my usual slap face drunk new years parties ive made tradition to attend on this festive drinking occation. so ya, first new years sober sence i was 3. ha amanda member when my mom drank with us on new years. now that was a sight sweet jesus would pay to see. well i found a belt in adams room, and its not his, and it's a girls... not mine... i hate tenn cause the dry air is icky on my skin and make my hair go to the shits ... GOD!! WELL IMA GO NOW CAUSE ALL I HAVE ARE MY CIGGS AND A DILDO.. GUESS WITCH ONES CALLIN MY NAME LOL.. PEACE OUT

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: ADAMS LIL BROTHER SCREEMING IN MY EAR . SWEET MOTHER OF MARY

ok well, he got rid of all that crap, and he even got his cell number changed so all those bitches would stop calling, (good move). anyhow things are much better. and thank you nathen your such a sweetheart. after i wrote that stuff adam called ( he was at work) and i told him i was mad cause of what i found, so he left work and came home and we talked about it and everything was good. the good thing about adam is that he dosent let shit lye. if theres something wrong he always deals with it right then cause when u dont people start builing up resentment and shit just blows up. but now things are better. where getting alot of greif fomr people. everyone thinks we should live together first, but yall know im not like that, jesus u'd think people would be happy im not a skank who lives with my boyfriend, but no. i dont care they can all kiss my ass cause imma do what i want and if they dont like it they can all get over it. but nathen, i hate to tell u this but... I TOLD U SOOOOO !!! ryan is a butt muncher, and god u could get someone sooooo much better .. like me !! wink wink lol. i got a butt pillow too for ur heeping hymroids lol j/k!! i love you !! and i cant wait to see all yall ( amanda,nathen,holly,alicia,satan...) ha.. i love yall.. waverly sucks.. and thats all folks !! peace out negro!!

ok, im watching adams lilttle brother cause adams at work and his parents are shopping, hes playing video games, preety cool kid. but i thought id straighten up adams room cause it was messy and i was putting something up and i saw a letter from his ex, the one that calls him and shit when im around. well she was saying that she in love with him and that he looks at her like no one ever has all this buul. and then i saw a whole shit load of pics of his ex.. i mean what the fuck hes engaged and hes still keeping this shit, i dont have one thing of any of my ex's, when u break up u get rid of fucking shit. i been crying like a bitch sence then.. i fucking hate this... i dunno, i mean its not like he did anything but im very jealous when it comes to his ex bitches.. i mean he told me they wernt even serious... god damn fucking liar.. im not even really mad at him i just wish he would get rid of that shit. not because i said ne thing, but just because i thought he might want to. ya know hes GETTING MARRIED AND ALL fuckin a hole!!! im pissed what should i do..??

Current Mood: fucker
Current Music: headbanggers ball

ok . well yes its true.. me and adam are gettin married.. so ya.. we havent told his mom yet, im preety scared... but hey it's all good. so amandas gonna be my maid of honor !! yay ~!!! holly i didn't forget about u !!!! i mis you !!! love u long time in satin sheets baby!!! so ya nathen can be the flower girl !! hahahaha !! i love u! god i dont know if im MATURE enough to be getting married, but hey i got a while to think about it.. adam dosent know how retarded i can get, i dont know if he can handle it. i hope so.. hes an old fart... i mean i like he fact that he dosent smoke or drink and that hes going to college, but i wish he would just be hyper like me.. i feel like a retard when i get all exited, and for those of u read this u know how i get when im all exited. wow adam just got out of the shower hes all wet and naked !! j/k any waay i love u guy peace

Current Mood: like a greenbay fan

well i died my hair brown and my boyfriend shit a brick cause he wants to be a prik and go into a coma.. so now im at glory house dying it blond again.. and adams in nashville on some school trip for like 2 days so imma get wasted tonite.. ha ha ha. teach u to leave me all by my self high and dry with no dildo .. lol j/k.anywho i miss everyone so bad.. im all lonley.. gayness.. i hope amanda and nathan become friends again , it hasn't set right with my stomach noing they dont talk anymore, i've had diarea all week lol j/k... so my scalp is burning like the deep fires of hell. i love everone, peace niggers..

Current Mood: as usual
Current Music: the fart sounds of the ocean.